By Robert Scucci
| Published
We’re almost two full weeks into the new year, and this is about the time when most reasonable people start to buckle under the pressure of their resolutions. As you drive past Planet Fitness – the Hotel California of gym memberships because you’re not allowed to go out – and pull into the nearest Dunkin’ drive-thru to maximize your calorie intake daily before 9:00 a.m., you might want to consider watching Attack of the Killer Donuts as you head into the weekend to scare yourself.
Most health experts say that donuts (from now on stylized as “doughnuts”) are terrible for your health, and Attack of the Killer Donuts is a cautionary tale about how delicious treats will most surely lead to your death if you don’t control your intake.
Move over, killer tomatoes!
Attack of the Killer Donuts is a modern homage to B-movie drive-in features in that your enjoyment will largely depend on how many road sodas you were able to smuggle past the flashlight-waving bailiff into your trunk or box wear gloves while finding your parking space. . Sparing no ambiguity for its audience, the film’s main antagonist is a gang of killer donuts, and their goal is to attack as many people as possible.
Bouncing like a swarm of violent yeast-leavened tennis balls, the killer donuts show no mercy after being inadvertently reanimated by a mad scientist whose lifelong job is to bring the dead back to life.
A vulgar display of flour
You can’t let donuts randomly kill people without some sort of backstory to their candy store carnage, because that would be silly, so Attack of the Killer Donuts brazenly goes through the motions to establish some semblance of a narrative.
We first meet Johnny Wentworth (Justin Ray), a young slacker who lives with his mother and works at Dandy Donuts. Johnny is in love and has a very one-sided relationship with Veronica (Lauren Elise), who walks all over him and uses him mostly for money. Johnny’s mother, Emma (Kassandra Voyagis), tries to convince him to consider his co-worker and childhood friend, Michelle (Kayla Compton), as a romantic interest because they have a rock-solid friendship that everyone should the means be put to good use. next level.
Oh yeah, and living in Johnny’s basement is his mad scientist uncle, Luther (Michael Swan), who spends all his time injecting a mysterious serum into dead rats while trying to perfect his resuscitation serum in order to to be able to win the Nobel Prize. Luther should not be seen as the antagonist of Attack of the Killer Donuts because he has good intentions, but every pastry act in this movie is a direct result of his negligence despite his good intentions.
Donut Uprising
Johnny steals his laptop from Uncle Luther’s lab before heading to his shift at Dandy Donuts. Johnny and Michelle spend most of their shift giving away free donuts to their regulars after some sort of fight breaks out in the store, much to the annoyance of their incompetent and thrifty boss, Cliff (Chris De Christopher). At this point in Attack of the Killer Donutsthe piles of free stuff haven’t been infected (or packaged) yet, but the bottom line is that there are dozens of potentially violent donuts about to hit the shelves.
Luther shows up at Dandy Donuts to retrieve the laptop and gets into a fight with Cliff, who has already banned him from the store for his eccentric behavior. During the altercation, Luther’s serum leaks from his shirt pocket and ends up in the fryers, putting the rest of his body in danger. Attack of the Killer Donuts moving.
The donuts sprout fangs and secrete a venomous green goo that infects their victims, and all hell breaks loose at Dandy Donuts before the sentient candies go on a rampage and terrorize the town.
Not fully aware of the severity of the situation, it’s up to Johnny and Michelle to inform the public and learn the full extent of Uncle Luther’s research so they can develop an antiserum and save the day.
A violently hilarious bloodbath
Attack of the Killer Donuts has all the right ingredients for an effective, low-budget B-movie. Its violence is so over-the-top that you can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the titular antagonists while lunging and feasting on their subjects. Sure, Officer Rogers (C. Thomas Howell) has access to guns, but he’s hopeless in his defense against the killer donuts because there simply aren’t enough bullets in the world to alleviate the problem , especially after being blinded by a blast of jelly.
In order to take full advantage Attack of the Killer Donuts, you must approach your viewing experience knowing that it creature characteristic doesn’t take itself seriously at all. It’s schlocky by design, and the effects are deliberately bad to drive the point home. But if you need motivation to stick to your New Year’s resolutions, I can’t think of anything more effective than watching your favorite fried treats go on a murderous rampage, sparing no lives in their path.
As of this writing, you can stream Attack of the Killer Donuts for free on Pipes, Peacock, Crackle, PlexAnd Amazon Prime Video.
