By Joshua Tyler
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Star Trek: Article 31 Start when a Spitwad flies over the screen and draws the shape of the Starfleet logo. I will learn later that this Spitwad was the hero ship of the series.
The film takes place in a flashback, in which we are presented with a worse girl than Hitler. She assassinates all her family for a professional promotion where she will spend decades committing a galactic genocide and torturing the man she loves to have fun.
“I am the only one I can never defeat.” – Philippa Georgiou
This Hitler space is called Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yeoh), and the film goes to a present where it manages a floating space bar. We are reintroduced to him while the film plays rock music badass to encourage the public to think that we are supposed to think that she is really, really great.
Then Georgiou puts a human eye globe in his mouth and savor the taste while the music swells and the camera revolves around it in worship. Yes, Star Trek: Article 31 sells the idea of a cannibal mass murder which is super cool if it does it in high heels! This is the whole premise of this film. Long live the Hitler space!
It is not an exaggeration. It is not a hyperbola. This glorification of atrocities is the film that CBS intentionally released under the Star Trek brand Paramount+.
To celebrate the genocide, Paramount has chosen an unpopular and totally evil character. Star Trek: Discoverythe least appreciated Star Trek series of all time, and offered him a feature film.
Why did it happen? How did it happen? If this story is told, it will be more interesting than anything that is happening in this film.
We are soon presented to the rest of Star Trek: Article 31 casting, a espionage team working for the secret organization Black Ops section 31. The organization section 31 was created for the first time the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine As something to hate, not to glorify, and it was never something that most trek fans wanted more. It is therefore normal for section 31 to be the main motivation factor for a film derived from a series that no one liked, featuring a character that nobody wanted to see more.
The super cool espionage team of section 31 is launching into the presentations by screaming on it, uttering threats and posing for the camera. Like Georgiou, it is also for most serial killers, and they are all quite upset not to be able to kill more.
Georgiou joins the team of section 31 for reasons and they embark on a mission to do something for other reasons. It is already more explanation than what this film gave me.
Fortunately, this mission takes place exactly in the same space bar in which they are already. CBS did not need to build other sets for its robbery. What financially fortuitous coincidence.
The critical mission of obtaining something for reasons is interrupted by the surprise appearance of Snake Eyes of the GI Joe franchise. Or maybe it’s a space ninja. It’s probably just a ninja of surprise space. Gi Joe would never associate with this.
At this stage, we are 30 minutes from the film, and it has not changed its location compared to the sophisticated space bar where it all started.
Prepare because the whole is about to change. The public discovers a new place. It is a desert with flame throwers that come out of the ground at random. Our team has a meeting. The reason they chose such an inhospitable place is completely unknown.
Their meeting ends and we enter for the first time inside their ship. It is not the sputum of the sequence of the opening logo of the film. Hourra, a third location.
This place is used to speak to a man attached to a chair because, of course, there is someone attached to a chair. The scene takes place on the bridge of their spacecraftAnd you cannot see much apart from a few desktop chairs in the background.
Five minutes later, the ship that we don’t really see exploded and we find ourselves again in the desert. Deserts are the best when you film a limited budget.
Fortunately, one of our characters announces that she is experiencing an old ship in the desert, a ship that is right there for good reasons. Then they go to the ship they find in the woods.
In the woods. A forest around a desert in a place they describe several times as a “dead planet”. Continue.
From there, the desert is never seen again or mentioned, and everything happens in the woods. Even the places they had previously visited in the desert are now also found in the woods.
Fortunately, there are flame throwers that come out of the floor in the woods, so the public always knows where they are. The flame throwers do not seem to disturb the trees.
There is a confusing fight in front of a bad rendering on a green screen of a blurred tunnel. A mysterious murder that no one cares about. A robot becomes unable to act if it is kneeling at the crotch.
Star Trek: Article 31 ends when Phillipa Georgiou genocide a whole universe suspected of possible misdeeds, then tells her team that she will probably kill them later.
They all laugh well with their future homicides, and then Jamie Lee Curtis Get out of a table in the chic bar of the film to entrust them with their next mission.
If you still have doubts about the quality of Star Trek: Section 31 By writing, please appreciate this line of dialogue of the film: “She died as she lived. By that, you see what I mean.
Star Trek: Article 31 is one of the worst ideas that anyone ever had, and this is one of the worst things I have ever seen. It was directed by a team of people who do not know what a film is and interpreted by actors who know nothing about the profession of actor.
It has nothing to do with Star Trek. There is nothing of Star Trek in there. Nothing in this document looks like Star Trek, Star Trek’s things are neither referenced nor mentioned, and that has no impact on anything in any other part of Star Trek (thank God). Someone wrote something horrible, horrible Suicide squad/Galaxy goalkeepers Mashup scam, then affixed the name of Star Trek in the hope of encouraging people to give them money.
Star Trek: Article 31 has accomplished the impossible. This is the worst thing that Star Trek has ever produced and also one of the worst things that appear on any screen, anywhere. Is it possible for a film to be bad? This is, and so paramount has the slightest feeling of shame or decency, it will now close the whole business and sell its assets at the low price.
OUR GIANT Freakin ROBOT The evaluation system works on a scale of one to five stars. Our rating system does not descend below a star. So I give Star Trek: Article 31 zero star.
Star Trek: Section 31 Revision note
